Authors Note: Hello friends, and happy Sunday! I hope you enjoy today’s chapter, and I apologize in advance for where I’ve had to leave it for this week lol. If spice is not your jam, skip the last few paragraphs (and the first few of next weeks chapter) and I’ll see you back after that! :)
Content warning: descriptions of consensual, adult sexual content
I stilled under his hand, the warmth from his fingers soothing me while his words had my heartbeat kicking into gear in my chest.
Then maybe we don’t pretend.
What the hell did that mean?
My conversation with Nora came flooding back, and despite my best efforts to remain calm and collected, I let myself hope we were thinking the same thing. I wanted him so badly, I could hardly breathe.
“What do you mean?” My voice was unfamiliar to my own ears.
“I was so in my head about wanting to do this the right way with you, and so worried that I wouldn’t be able to give you what you needed, that I didn’t stop to consider if I was doing us a disservice by assuming I knew what the best approach was,” his voice was low, and my gaze had fallen to his mouth, willing the words I wanted to hear to come out. “I’m broken, and I have been since far before Hailey went missing, but I’m working on repairing those parts of me. I’ve isolated myself and kept everyone at an arms length since my parents died, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m learning how to ask myself what I want, but I don’t know how long it’ll take to feel like I’m whole again.”
“But?” I whispered, my heart hammering so loudly I was sure he’d be able to feel it.
“But,” Brooks emphasized, offering me a small smile, “I’m incredibly attracted to you, and I can’t deny that I want something to come from this. I think about you all the damn time and I know it’s more than just a physical thing for me. It was unfair to ask you to wait for me and I want you to know I have no expectations of what might come out of this, but I don’t think I can pretend that I’m not feeling the things that I’m feeling. I was so worried about letting Hailey down, I let myself twist this into something it’s not and I tried to stop myself from wanting you. I know I have a long way to go, and I’d never expect you to take that on. This is mine to fix, but I want you in my life. I guess I’m just having a hard time figuring out how to go about this in a way that’s fair to everyone.”
I stared at him for a moment and soaked in his words. I’d known he wasn’t ready to take this to the next step, he’d said as much on his living room floor, but I hadn’t let myself think of the possibility that he wanted to be ready. My assumption had stopped with him just wanting to find his sister first, but Brooks was hung up on wanting to be whole for me. I wiggled closer to him, bringing us so that our noses were a few inches apart now, and placed a hand on the mattress between us.
“A few months ago, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to be vulnerable again. I was positive that I’d never trust another man, especially after the way my last relationship ended and the things I’ve seen while working, but you’ve changed my perspective.”
Brooks smiled and placed his hand next to mine, waiting for me to continue.
“I think it would be unrealistic to ask you to be perfect before I wanted to follow this path with you, since I know I’m far from it myself. I’m capable of knowing what I can handle, and I think we’ve done a good job of setting expectations and boundaries so far. It’s clear that we both need time to heal, but I don’t think we need to isolate ourselves in order to do that. I want to see where this goes, and I want to be the person who makes sure it’s fair for you, too. Maybe there is no right way, and the best way is whatever we decide it is.
“And how do you suggest we go about deciding on our own best way to do this?” he asked, his voice full of that thickness I’d heard in his apartment.
“There has to be some kind of in-between,” I mused. “So long as we set some ground rules, I think we can lean into this at our own pace, in our own time.”
Brooks nodded, his eyes roaming over my face. “Okay, so tell me your ground rules.”
I thought about it for a moment, thinking through what I wanted to say before I said it. My relationship with Travis and my line of work had helped me build boundaries over the last year, and I knew where to start. I trusted Brooks, but it still needed to be said. I racked my brain for more than that, but came up empty. Every other thing I wanted in a partner, I already saw in him.
“First, trust is a big thing for me. If we are heading in the direction of a relationship, I need to know it’s just me. I don’t need a label or a title right now, but I do need to know that if I’m opening myself up to you, you’re going to be there for me,” I said softly.
He nodded in agreement again, almost immediately. “That sounds more than fair to me. Truthfully, I haven’t dated or found myself interested in anyone in years. You have nothing to worry about in that regard.” Heat crept into his cheeks, but he held my gaze. “On a semi-related note, I got tested after I ended things with my last partner, and I haven’t slept with anyone since.” He paused. “Not that I’m expecting us to take this there or anything, but it felt like a good time to tell you.”
“Me too,” I said. I didn’t want to think about Brooks sleeping with someone else, but I recognized the immaturity of that thought. “After the whole cheating thing, I got screened. I appreciate the transparency.”
“Transparency and honesty go hand in hand,” he smiled.
“Honestly, I think that’s my only rule,” I said with a soft laugh. “We can see how this unfolds the way that feels natural to us, but I need you to be up front with me every step of the way.”
“It’s hard to get out of my head sometimes, but I want you to know that trust and respect would be the building blocks for anything between us. Those things are very important to me, too.” His gaze flicked down to our hands, resting side by side on my bed. After a moment, his eyes fell on me again. The blue of them was so dark in the dim light, they reminded me of glass. “I trust you with things I don’t open up to other people about, and it’s not just because of how you’re helping me find Hailey. I’ll need patience from you with my healing, but I’ll keep it within reason.”
His tone for the last part was teasing, and I couldn’t help but bring my hand up to cup his cheek. “So long as you’re open with me and communicate what you need, I’ll be the definition of patient.”
He smiled at me warmly and we fell into a comfortable silence. My hand dropped back beside his.
“You didn’t need to ask me, you know.”
He frowned at me. “Ask you what?”
“To wait for you. I think it was happening with or without that conversation on your living room floor,” I whispered, nudging his pinkie with mine.
His answering grin took my breath away, and my eyes dropped back to his mouth. I decided to let myself think about the fact that I had Brooks O’Connor in my bed, and my mind ran away with its newfound freedom.
For once, I let it.
Suddenly he was all I could smell––his barely-there cologne was faint against his skin, but I hoped my sheets would still smell like him for the next few days. I could taste the toothpaste on his breath in the air between us, and everything in me wanted to close the distance between his mouth and mine. I wanted to slide my fingers into his hair and tug on it, the way I had in his apartment a few days ago. I wanted to hear that low groan of approval again. I wanted his mouth and hands all over me.
He watched me with eyes full of barely contained desire as mine devoured him.
That was all the encouragement I needed.
I shifted again, and slid my hand under his––just as we heard footsteps outside my cabin. We froze, our eyes glued to one another as we listened. The fear I’d felt earlier washed over me again, dousing all of the heat I’d felt three seconds earlier.
While I was canvassing in town earlier, I’d navigated around pointed questions about Brooks and causally joked with one or two people about the near boating incident with Travis and Nora instead, saying that it was a prank taken too far. I’d known that it would spread quickly, but had word already travelled back to Travis?
Knowing my luck, he knew I was full of shit and was wondering what my angle was. I held no illusions that he thought I’d believe it was nothing.
He’d fled the scene. An innocent person would’ve stuck around to check on Nora.
The potential that he’d heard Brooks had slept on my couch the other day was even more worrisome. I didn’t know what would send him into a rage faster––his obsession with hating Nora, or his jealousy over Brooks.
I would’ve laughed it off a week ago, but after my conversation with Brooks tonight, I couldn’t say that there was no reason to be jealous. He didn’t have a right to be, but that had never stopped him before. I’d already been over him before I met Brooks, but I was actually in the process of moving on with someone new now. A chill skittered up my spine.
It was quiet for a handful of breaths and I carefully eased myself up on my elbow. I wasn’t far enough over on the mattress to see anything below––and the look on Brooks’ face told me I wasn’t going to get close enough to take a look. Shaking his head, he pressed a finger to his lips. I nodded, watching in frozen shock as he silently rolled over and eased from the bed.
His body moved smoothly and soundlessly as he crept forward and perched at the edge of the loft, looking across the cabin and toward the front door. I’d drawn the blinds and no headlights were peeking through them. Sitting up further, I could see Maple on the couch below. She hadn’t followed us up here yet, but she was staring at the front door like something had woken her from her pre-bedtime nap.
Turning on his heel, Brooks crossed the loft and snuck towards the circular window on my side of the bed. It faced the front of my cabin, and I scrambled to tell him to duck down, terrified someone would see his silhouette. Terrified of what would happen if a certain someone did. Hearing my movement and the rustling of the duvet, he whirled and held out his hands as if to say it’s okay, I’ll be careful.
With my heart pounding in my chest, I stilled and watched him peer out the window and into the night. I couldn’t see his eyes, but the moonlight showcased the tension in his broad shoulders through his shirt.
Brooks turned back to me and shook his head with a grim expression.
He didn’t see anything.
We stayed where we were for a few more minutes, listening for anymore movement. All of the confidence I’d felt earlier today was gone. I’d wanted to stay here and stand my ground, but the reality of our situation came rushing towards me all at once. We were alone in my cabin, far enough from the rest of the community that nobody would hear any disturbances. I hadn’t even been able to confide in Carson yet. I tried to force air into my lungs, but it didn’t go anywhere.
After what felt like forever, Brooks crept back towards his side of the bed and slid in next to me.
“Maybe we’re hearing things,” I whispered when he was covered by the duvet again.
“The fact that you’re whispering tells me you don’t actually think that, Len,” he murmured back, a ghost of a smile painting his mouth.
“Do you think it’s him?” I didn’t need to say his name for Brooks to know who I meant.
“Are there other cabins nearby?” he asked, ignoring my question.
Clearly, his mind had gone there, too.
I shook my head. “I’m out of the way from the other ones. Most of the longterm residents have moved back to the city for the colder season, there’s only a handful of us left.”
He frowned, and I could tell he wanted to be back at that window, watching for any movement. “We get teens from town that sneak through here every so often. They siphon the gas from any cars that have accessible gas caps. Maybe it’s just something like that, and they moved on when they saw that mine doesn’t have one you can access from outside my car?”
Brooks met my eyes, and I could tell he wasn’t eager to buy my explanation for the footsteps. It might’ve had something to do with the way my voice wavered, giving me and my own doubt away.
“Maybe,” he said softly. “Either way, I’m going to go double check your locks.”
I nodded and sat up, scooting to the edge of the bed to watch him as he climbed down the ladder. The top of his head was easily visible as he went to the front door and checked the deadbolt. His pace was slow and silent as he went from window to window, and I couldn’t help but be amazed at how someone in such a tall body could move so soundlessly.
He returned with Maple, who was nestled happily into one of his arms, and I couldn’t help the smile that came as I watched him climb the ladder one-handed, as if he wouldn’t risk leaving her down there by herself. She looked sleepy as he sat her down on the bed, and she blinked up at him with a sweet look on her face before climbing over me to snuggle into her spot––which was next to my head on my pillow. The mattress dipped and I looked back at Brooks as he got back into bed––again––with a concerned look on his face.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said in a low voice. “You look upset.”
I picked at the skin around my thumb and avoided his gaze. “I just feel like it was stupid to have you come over.” The look on his face changed into one of confusion and hurt. My eyes widened and I hurried to continue. “Not like that! I just meant that I was putting a target on your back, too.”
He cracked a relieved smile and reached over to close a large hand around mine, stopping the anxious picking I was doing. “I don’t care if there’s a target on my back if it means you’re not here alone. I’m a big boy, I can handle the heat,” Brooks said with a teasing smile.
I frowned at him. “It’s not funny! He tried to kill Nora today, and if he knew you were in here with me, who knows what he’d do.”
“Nothing,” Brooks said firmly. “He would do nothing. He’s a coward who picks on women who are smaller than him. We know who he is behind that mask he wears, which gives us an advantage, like you said earlier. I’m not afraid of him, Lennon. There is no way he could know I’m here with you, anyway. We took one car and he has no reason to think I’d be in your bed.”
I knew he was right, but I couldn’t help worrying. His face came into view as he ducked down into my line of sight. There was a playful smile on his face, but the tightness around his eyes told me it was all for my benefit. “A bed that I’m happy to be in, by the way.”
As always, a smile spread across my face at his gentle teasing. I scooted closer to him and he opened his arms for me, pulling me against his chest and wrapping me up in a big hug. Our knees bumped together as we found a comfortable position and he tucked my head under his chin, his hand picking up that lazy trail over my spine that I liked so much. It felt nice to be held, and even nicer to be held by him.
Brooks.
Someone who saw me for who I was and thought I was all of the things that I was learning to feel––to believe––about myself. Breathtaking. Gorgeous. Beautiful. It went deeper than physical attraction but it was nice to know he felt like I was more than anyone else ever had. He was quick to encourage me to believe in myself and demand respect from everyone I encountered. He cared about the people in my life and went out of his way to offer his support where he could, even as he was navigating something scary in his own world. I didn’t know how I’d gotten so lucky.
“If he comes after you, I swear I’ll kill him myself.” There was a fierceness to my voice that I wasn’t used to hearing. Brooks chuckled, the sound of it warm and open, and I glared up at him. “I’m serious.”
He dipped his head and brushed his nose against mine. “Oh, I’m sure you are. I’m just not used to such tiny people making such big protective statements about me.”
“Well, get used to it,” I sniffed, trying to hide my smile.
His laughter faded and the exhaustion from the events of the day settled over me. My limbs grew heavy, and the warmth of Brooks’ breath coasting down the back of my head was soothing. I knew that he wouldn’t sleep until he was sure whoever had been out there moved on, so I let myself relax into his arms. I felt safe with him there. Safer than I’d felt in a long time. My heart slowed from its panicked beating and my breaths slowed to match his. The warmth from his hand smoothing down my back slowly had a content, sleepy sigh leaving me. Something vibrated through me, something I was fairly sure was a chuckle from Brooks, but I was too close to sleep to care. I was being held in the most tender way, by the most gorgeous and caring man, and nothing could ruin this moment for me.
Dreams of Brooks and his hands woke me. It was still dark in the cabin as I took deep breaths and tried to cool my heated skin. I knew they were just dreams but did they really have to feel so real? I swore I could still feel the way he’d touched me.
I must’ve rolled over in my sleep and Maple was nowhere to be seen, but Brooks had followed and wrapped his large frame around mine. I was still enveloped in his arms, with one of them tucked under my head and the other draped over my ribs. His hand rested on the mattress a few inches away from my breast, but it felt like far too much space. I wanted him closer than that. His hips cradled mine and his chest pressed into my back. As my awareness of the man behind me grew, I realized that wasn’t the only part of him that was pressing against me.
Oh.
Oh.
Like someone had thrown cold water on me, I was suddenly wide awake. As if sensing that I was no longer sleeping, he stirred behind me and his arm tightened around my upper body.
That damn hand of his stayed where it was, though. What was wrong with me?
I was turned on over dreams about hands. Skillful, large hands, but still.
“Len?” Brooks’ voice was roughened from sleep and it did nothing to help my cause. Neither did the use of my nickname. “You okay?”
“Mhmm,” I replied, terrified my voice would give me away.
He settled back into me, seemingly satisfied with my answer. I could’ve screamed from the frustration I was feeling, but I settled for pressing my ass back into him instead. Brooks froze behind me, before rolling his hips back slightly so his erection wasn’t pressing into my ass anymore.
Now I definitely wanted to scream.
“I’m so sorry,” he started, “I can go down to the couch if you wa––”
“I don’t want that,” I cut him off.
Sure enough, my voice was breathy and frustrated. Damn it.
He was quiet, as if his sleepy brain was just now catching up to mine. I listened to the sound of his breathing, noting that it hadn’t returned to the pattern it had followed when he was asleep. Brooks was awake now, too.
“I was dreaming,” I offered into the silence.
His chest rose and fell against my back and I fought the urge to roll towards him again. I so badly wanted to pick up where we had been interrupted a few hours ago.
“About what?” he asked in that sinfully roughened voice.
“You,” I supplied.
“What about me?”
“Things that make me very opposed to you leaving this bed right now,” I said.
I held my breath and waited for him to say something. A few seconds of silence ticked by, and then he shifted again, so that his hips pressed against mine and that hardness was back where I wanted it. Still, he said nothing, and I frowned.
“Unless you want to leave this bed,” I offered.
“Why the hell would I want to leave this bed?” His voice was pure smoke.
A shiver went down my spine and I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder. “I don’t know, you’re not saying anything.”
I could barely see the features of his face, now that the fire had died down on the main floor of the cabin, but his eyes glimmered in the shadows and a thrill shot through me. “I’m honestly trying to figure out if I’m dreaming or not,” he said with a laugh.
Reaching behind me, I pinched him, earning a yelp. “Satisfied?”
“I promised I’d keep my hands to myself,” he murmured into my hair.
My heart pounded in my chest and my answer came quickly. “Then break the stupid promise.” Realizing that might’ve sounded rude, I added, “Please.”
With a chuckle that sunk into my skin, his right hand moved across my ribs and down my torso until it landed on my hip, where he gripped me and pulled my ass against him. I gasped, and a delicious lick of desire lit in my lower belly at the feel of him. “Does that tell you enough about how I feel about you having dirty dreams about me?”
A giggle left me and I smiled at him shyly over my shoulder. “You were hard before you even knew about the dream.”
“Maybe I was having a dream of my own,” he countered.
That grabbed my attention, and I rolled over a bit more so that my shoulder was resting against his chest as I looked up at him. “Do tell.”
Something in his face shifted, and it reminded me of a wolf catching sight of something it wanted to eat. “Not until you tell me about yours,” he said unapologetically.
I was about to argue, when I realized I didn’t want to. Normally, I would’ve been mortified at the thought of sharing something like that with someone, but Brooks made me feel so secure, I didn’t even give it a second thought. I reached down and grabbed his hand, which he let me take easily.
“These.”
He folded his fingers around mine in a gentle squeeze and I felt him lean closer. His lips brushed against my cheek, infront of my ear, as he whispered, “Oh? And what were my hands doing?”
Emboldened by his rigid erection pressing into me and the desire in his voice, I dragged his hand back up my ribs. Using my own hand over top of his, I brought his palm over my breast and squeezed. His response was immediate, and his hips ground into me again with a muttered fuck. I grinned into the darkness, loving how empowered I felt by telling him what I’d dreamt of.
“That’s not all,” I murmured. He groaned his approval and I felt him twitch against my ass. “Do you want me to show you?”
“Len,” he begged in a voice that said yes, please, yes.
Taking his hand from where I’d just placed it, I guided it back down my body, across my abdomen and towards the waistband of my sleep shorts. The second he realized where I was leading him, the arm that was still under me folded across my chest and his hand slid under my tanktop. I arched into his touch and let out a quiet gasp when his hand palmed my breast and his fingers closed over my nipple, tugging gently.
“Don’t stop,” he urged, and the hand that was still under mine pressed into the skin of my abdomen. “I wasn’t ready to move on from here, but I can multitask.”
Another thrill shot through me, and my hand that led his continued until his fingers made contact with the tie for my shorts. His left hand continued to palm my right breast, as his right grabbed ahold of the drawstring.
It was more of a pause than a hesitation, but his breath coasted across my cheek and I turned my head towards him, earning a press of his lips against my temple. I realized with a jolt that he was about to take off my shorts and I hadn’t even kissed him yet.
“Do you want me to undo this?”
I nodded and arched into him.
“I want to hear you,” he said firmly, both of his hands halting.
The demand in his voice was incredibly hot, and I was at his mercy as I gasped out a, “Yes.”
“What do you say?” he asked, in that same tone of voice.
“Please,” I whispered.
“I love that word on your lips,” he groaned. The hand at my breast continued teasing me, while the right deftly undid the tie of my shorts. There was a beat of silence and suddenly, that hand was gone. But just as I began to make a sound of protest, I felt his fingers cup my jaw gently. He shifted so that he could roll me into him a bit more and guide my face towards his without bending my neck at a weird angle. Excitement fizzed through me and I leaned into the motion, eager to finally kiss him.
Brooks pressed his lips to mine, softly at first, as if he went slow enough he’d never forget the way my mouth felt against his. He held my jaw tenderly as he coaxed my lips to part, and I opened for him. His tongue slid against mine, bringing a fresh wave of desire through me and, combined with the feeling of his hand on my breast, I couldn’t help it as I moaned into his mouth. I felt him grin as his lips pressed against mine, again and again, and his fingers left my jaw to trail down my throat. I’m fairly confident I died and went to heaven, because I didn’t know that kisses like this even existed. This might not have been the first kiss I’d envisioned with him, but it was the one I’d needed.
He kissed me for a small eternity, as if I was the air he needed to breathe , and I melted into him, soaking up every second.
He’s so good at everything.
As if he’d heard the thought and was prepared to back up my theory, his fingers left my throat and slid back down my body to where I’d led him a few minutes ago.
“May I take these off?”
As if I could be anymore turned on, the want in his voice undid me.
“Please,” I gasped, remembering that he’d said he loved when I said that word.
His approving smile pressed against my lips, a little firmer this time. I loved it. “If you want me to stop, you just have to tell me, okay Len?”
“I won’t want you to stop,” I argued, aware of how needy my voice sounded.
He tilted his head and his warm, affectionate laughter was lost in my hair. “Just incase, then.”
“Brooks,” I panted, my appreciation for his consideration currently being outweighed by my sexual frustration.
His mouth found mine again––that grin still painted there––as his fingers slid beneath the waistband of my shorts and pulled.
“now i definitely wanted to scream” i get it len, i get it